I was at my bible study on a Wed. morning in September. It was the first time our group had met and our leader asked us to introduce ourselves and tell the group about a hobby we had. And one by one we all said our names and since most of us were moms the answer I heard over and over again was, "I'm a mom. I don't have a hobby because I don't have any free time." I was so saddened by this answer and then I realized that my answer was exactly the same! What was even more awful was that my second child hadn't even been born yet. If I didn't have a hobby with just one kid what was going to happen when I had two babies to take care of?
I walked away from that meeting wondering what in the world was wrong with me? Who the heck was I anyway? What had I become? I used to be somebody! I used to have hobbies! I like to read, decorate my house, roller blade, swim, and go out with my husband. I love to learn. I'm well educated. And not only do I not have a hobby but I have no job...well, not one that earns me any money, anyway. So these thoughts bothered me for quite some time. Somewhere in the midst of having a baby I lost my sense of self....or so I thought. I mourned over the days when I was employed...when I was doing something that I counted as worthy and significant. I longed for days when I wore something other than an Old Navy long sleeve with yoga pants and did something other than clean up somebody or something. I wondered how, in the course of having a child, did I loose everything I thought I was and how was I going to gain back some sense of myself?
Around Thanksgiving I had Baby #2 and somewhere in the middle of of midnight feedings and being up to my elbows in dirty diapers, I went into survival mode and put "finding myself" on the back burner. Christmas time came and in my stocking I found the book Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. And, oh how it has encouraged me. It's given me permission to love being a mama, to not just practice grace but have an attitude of grace, to feel like it's ok when my house looks like a tornado went through, and to find my identity in motherhood. It's been really freeing to just accept myself as a mama and a wife right now. I've stripped off the world view that I need to be working to be someone. I've accepted the fact that maybe I'm not spending hours a day having "me time" and reading books. I've made peace with the fact that I'm doing absolutely nothing with my hard earned and expensive Master's Degree, and I've even come to terms with the fact that I am "famous" at my husband's work because I make his lunch everyday (Actually I'm still working on this one. But really, who wants to be known for making your husband's lunch?). This excerpt from the book is one that I have book marked and I read it often:
"The world has a very muddled perception of "self." They think and tell us to think that we are all little separate entities who might need to go off somewhere to get to know "ourselves," or that a mother needs to get back to her corporate job to be herself again....
But the Christian view is very different, and you need to make sure that is the one you have. We are like characters in a story. Our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be rediscovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognize yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out-look at the people who made you what you are-your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.
Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the "others" will find that they are a very broken little thing. This will lead them to resent the people who they think made them that way. She may say, "I used to be so energetic, but all these people take, take, take from me and now I have no time to just be me!" And the world gathers around and comforts her and says she needs some time to follow her dreams.
But the Christian woman needs to say, "I used to be so boring! Now my character has some depth, some people to love, some hardships to bear. Now I have some material to work with." A Christian woman's view is always forward and never back. Your identity is to be found and resting in other people.
As Christian women, our identity is in our husbands. We are their helpmeets. Our calling is people-oriented. It follows then that you cannot know what your calling is until you know who your calling is. Until you are married, you are not tied to a specific person. Marriage reorients you entirely. Children do even more. Then it is your calling to help your husband by raising these little people. People, people everywhere and no time for yourself. Remember this is your calling. It belongs to you. They belong to you....These people are you. Your identity is supposed to be intertwined-that is the way God wrote the story, and it is the way He intends us to read it." (p.60-62)
Life comes in seasons. Someday my life might be reoriented around a job or even a hobby. Right now my life is oriented around naps, diapers, and supper time. My life is oriented around Tom, Aiden, and Sage. And in God's story I'm the Mama....so I'm playing my part and loving it.
I walked away from that meeting wondering what in the world was wrong with me? Who the heck was I anyway? What had I become? I used to be somebody! I used to have hobbies! I like to read, decorate my house, roller blade, swim, and go out with my husband. I love to learn. I'm well educated. And not only do I not have a hobby but I have no job...well, not one that earns me any money, anyway. So these thoughts bothered me for quite some time. Somewhere in the midst of having a baby I lost my sense of self....or so I thought. I mourned over the days when I was employed...when I was doing something that I counted as worthy and significant. I longed for days when I wore something other than an Old Navy long sleeve with yoga pants and did something other than clean up somebody or something. I wondered how, in the course of having a child, did I loose everything I thought I was and how was I going to gain back some sense of myself?
Around Thanksgiving I had Baby #2 and somewhere in the middle of of midnight feedings and being up to my elbows in dirty diapers, I went into survival mode and put "finding myself" on the back burner. Christmas time came and in my stocking I found the book Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. And, oh how it has encouraged me. It's given me permission to love being a mama, to not just practice grace but have an attitude of grace, to feel like it's ok when my house looks like a tornado went through, and to find my identity in motherhood. It's been really freeing to just accept myself as a mama and a wife right now. I've stripped off the world view that I need to be working to be someone. I've accepted the fact that maybe I'm not spending hours a day having "me time" and reading books. I've made peace with the fact that I'm doing absolutely nothing with my hard earned and expensive Master's Degree, and I've even come to terms with the fact that I am "famous" at my husband's work because I make his lunch everyday (Actually I'm still working on this one. But really, who wants to be known for making your husband's lunch?). This excerpt from the book is one that I have book marked and I read it often:
"The world has a very muddled perception of "self." They think and tell us to think that we are all little separate entities who might need to go off somewhere to get to know "ourselves," or that a mother needs to get back to her corporate job to be herself again....
But the Christian view is very different, and you need to make sure that is the one you have. We are like characters in a story. Our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be rediscovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognize yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out-look at the people who made you what you are-your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.
Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the "others" will find that they are a very broken little thing. This will lead them to resent the people who they think made them that way. She may say, "I used to be so energetic, but all these people take, take, take from me and now I have no time to just be me!" And the world gathers around and comforts her and says she needs some time to follow her dreams.
But the Christian woman needs to say, "I used to be so boring! Now my character has some depth, some people to love, some hardships to bear. Now I have some material to work with." A Christian woman's view is always forward and never back. Your identity is to be found and resting in other people.
As Christian women, our identity is in our husbands. We are their helpmeets. Our calling is people-oriented. It follows then that you cannot know what your calling is until you know who your calling is. Until you are married, you are not tied to a specific person. Marriage reorients you entirely. Children do even more. Then it is your calling to help your husband by raising these little people. People, people everywhere and no time for yourself. Remember this is your calling. It belongs to you. They belong to you....These people are you. Your identity is supposed to be intertwined-that is the way God wrote the story, and it is the way He intends us to read it." (p.60-62)
Life comes in seasons. Someday my life might be reoriented around a job or even a hobby. Right now my life is oriented around naps, diapers, and supper time. My life is oriented around Tom, Aiden, and Sage. And in God's story I'm the Mama....so I'm playing my part and loving it.
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